So you tried to get Glastonbury tickets in October and failed. Then you tried to get them in the resale, frantically clicking refresh on any device with an internet connection in your vicinity but you never even made it to the holding page. You failed again and won't be going to the world's greatest festival this year. Never fear! This is our handy guide to getting over your Glasto fomo.
Go to another festival
Glastonbury may be the most famous and unlike any other but Britain and Europe are full of amazing festivals. For a similar vein to Glastonbury but with less queues and more fancy dress, try Bestival. If you fancy serene surroundings with fun party times head to Latitude or Secret Garden Party. Beacons festival in the Yorkshire Dales is half the price of the big festivals at only £100 and it features a good mix of stellar name DJs like Greg Wilson and Jackmaster, established alternative acts including Joy Orbison as well exciting new bands such as Darkside and local Yorkshire punksters Eagulls. Plus, it won't take you an hour to walk from one stage to the next. And time apart from the ones you love can be good sometimes you know? Maybe you're missing Glastonbury this year but next year you'll enjoy it all the more for having a break. Yep, just keep telling yourself that as you watch 50000 people on the telly chant along to Arcade Fire playing Wake Up.
Watch the World Cup
Get your Panini sticker book out! It's the World Cup! Unlike Glastonbury, it only happens every four years. And it's in Brazil, the spiritual home of football. It could well be the last good World Cup before it starts its corrupt tour of oil rich states. So surely you want to make the most of it and watch as much as you can. Plus, if England finish runners up in their group and you were at Glastonbury you'd miss their last 16 tie as the festival has already said that they won't screen it. Imagine missing a performance of a tired, unimaginative England side unconvincingly scrape a one nil victory over Ivory Coast or Colombia. You'll be regretting it for years.
Go on holiday
Once you've bought the £215 ticket, paid for transport, purchased all your gear, goodies and supermarket spirits, and bought all those organic falafel wraps and chilled Gaymers on site, you've ended up spending what you would for a holiday. Except you're not lounging in a private villa on a Greek Island, sipping cocktails on the Cote d'Azur or partying in Barcelona. You're sitting on a damp bit of grass in a field in Somerset sipping on a warm can of Carlsberg. Spend that money on getting the hell away from the festival and have a proper holiday.
Pretend to yourself that you don't like music. Or having loads of fun
Just pretend. It's only for one weekend.
Start a band, get big quick, be a last minute addition to the lineup
Other ways of doing this are by starting a blog that takes the internet by storm and means guaranteed press accreditation or send an email to your local paper suggesting that it's in their interests to cover the festival. Offer your services as the person who would be willing to drop their plans to take that press pass on the paper's behalf. I have tried this before. Unfortunately, The Chew Valley Gazette was not obliging.